Keeping Memories

For most children and young people, their birth family hold all the earlier knowledge and memories about the child. Children separated from their families do not have daily access to this information about their background.

It becomes more difficult for them to develop a strong sense of self to understand and acknowledge how the past may influence present behaviours. Without this awareness, it will be more difficult for them to make conscious choices and to take responsibility for their own behaviours.

It is important that children and young people have a good understanding of their life journey and you will help this process  beginning the day the child is placed with you.

You should record the story of the child's stay with you as fully as possible, including:

• Descriptions of what the child was like when they arrived, what they liked and disliked;
• Details of development and achievements (e.g. learning to swim);
• Special memories of the child;
• Birthdays, Christmas and other family celebrations/outings/holidays etc. - photos, favourite places etc.
• Details and photos of your family (including extended family), home, pets etc.
• School - photos, certificates, reports, photos of and stories from teachers;
• Contact visits;
• Significant illnesses;
• Funny stories;
• Photos and video clips of birth family with your family;
• Crafts/pictures/work completed in your home/school/playgroup.

The above work contributes to their Life Story. The child by their second Looked After Review should have a Permanence Plan which will consider whether a return home is possible or start to look at how a permanent alternative family can be found including considering adoption if appropriate. Gathering memories will be vital as this progresses.

Life Story work/book is often helpful for children who have been Looked After for a significant period of time. The foster carer plays a vital part in gathering information for a memory book, or for a Life Story book, in finding answers to children’s questions and contributing to direct work undertaken by the child’s social worker or life-story worker.

All children should have a memory book or box put together by their foster carer, with photos, mementoes and details of significant events. Some children may have also have a Life Story  book putting together an account of a child’s life in words; pictures and documents which  helps a child to make sense of their past. This process will be co-ordinated by the child's social worker and involve you, the child, parents and relatives and significant others. This is particularly helpful when the child becomes an adult to help them make sense of what happened.

The life story book should be sensitive and responsive to the child’s identity and family history. It is not about blaming others for what has happened to the child.

See also: Identity.

Children’s memory boxes/books and life-story book should include all children’s achievements and should be accessible to the child and presented in a format they can understand. Children may want to talk with you about what is in their book and you should ensure they can get answers to any questions they ask by involving the team around the child.

You should keep all memories in a memory box or book specifically for the child/young person. You are advised to pass copies of items to the child’s social worker, in case they get lost or destroyed whilst in the child’s possession or keep them online if appropriate.