Positive Relationships and Behaviour Management

This chapter provides guidance for carers on managing behaviour, which includes supporting positive behaviour, de-escalation of conflicts and discipline.

Children learn how to behave by watching, listening and talking to the adults who care for them. Children develop their morals and values from what they observe of how adults treat others.

Children need clear boundaries and consistent rules. You should have high aspirations of a child/young person placed with you and be clear about what is acceptable and not. However a restrictive, unsupportive, discouraging and punishing culture will result in children feeling unsafe and resentful and will lead to instability and disruption.

Using a trauma-informed approach you should at all times endeavour to:

1. Listen to and empathise with children, respect their thoughts and feelings and take their wishes into consideration;
2. Look for things that are going well, or any step in the right direction, and appropriately reward it;
3. Use rewards in a creative and diverse way, specific to children's needs, capabilities and interests. This may mean that children are rewarded with toys, games, activities or monetary rewards. But all 'tangible' rewards should be accompanied by use of 'non tangible' encouragement and support - by you demonstrating to children that they have done well. Such 'non tangible' rewards include praising, smiling, touching and hugging children;
4. Make sure that children and young people are aware of the things that they have done well. This should involve prompt verbal feedback, along with clear recording in the child or young person's file. All 'tangible' rewards should be clearly identified.
   
   Children usually benefit, early on, from rewards which may appear to outweigh that which is expected. This is normal; over time rewards can be more relevant as children's self-esteem and skills improve;
   
   For example:

• • Children who have few social or life skills and whose self-esteem and confidence is low may require forms of encouragement and reward which are intensive, frequent or even excessive in order to help/remind them that they are doing well and appreciated;
  • A child who has previously been unable to get up for school may be offered a present or activity for getting up on time for a few days;
  • However, it should also be borne in mind that some children cannot tolerate praise as it undermines the low perception they have of themselves. For these children smaller more specific praise is needed.

Over time, as children achieve what is expected, such rewards should be reduced or children should be expected to achieve more for the same or a similar reward.

It is important that you work with the team around the child to understand and support children and young people. You are not expected to manage what can be very challenging behaviour in isolation.  The Placement Plan will outline what has been agreed about how to support the child with needs in respect of their behaviour.

The referral information should contain a robust assessment of need that determines approaches to be taken, allowing you to decide, with your supervising social worker, whether the child would be a good match for you and your family.

Placement Plans, Care Plans and Looked After Reviews are central to the ongoing planning and evaluation of the support in relation to behaviour. The Fostering Service should ensure that you are given such information, which is kept up to date, to enable you to provide appropriate care for the child. You should have all the necessary relevant information held by the child’s social worker about a child's circumstances, including any significant recent events, to help you understand and predict the child's needs and behaviours and support the child within your household. The Fostering Service should follow up with the child’s social worker if the necessary information has not been provided.

When your foster child is new to your home they will not know or understand your rules unless you explain them. You may need to revisit this several times in the first few weeks. You will need to be mindful of the child’s background and early lived experiences when setting boundaries and expectations. The safer caring plan should be in place which the child should be aware of.

It is important that the child is treated consistently by everyone who is caring for them, particularly when there are two carers.  Effective communication between family members is crucial.

As the foster carer your role is to:

• Provide a safe, caring environment;
• Ensure that all children have opportunities to gain confidence and achieve their full potential;
• Engage the child's participation in setting rules and consequences;
• Ensure that all children and young people have the opportunity to develop skills in dealing  positively with  challenges in their lives;
• Ensure that all children and young people understand how positive behaviour is recognised and rewarded;
• Ensure that all children and young people are supported to understand the consequences of their actions and how they can maintain relationships and repair harm;
• Ensure that you understand and share the principles of positive approaches to behaviour;
• Accept the individuality of children and young people and celebrate the diversity of their backgrounds.

In order to support a positive behaviour approach multi-disciplinary support should be in place. You play an important part in the day-to-day life of a child, therefore good parenting, supported by training on trauma and behaviour management techniques and strategies, will enable you to achieve and develop a more positive relationship with the child and a more harmonious life and will enable the child to feel good about themselves.

Things that need to be in place to support a positive behaviour approach:

You should provide a home that promotes, models and supports positive behaviour. The culture of the household, generated by you as the foster carer, is crucial.

Foster carers should support children to build trusted and secure relationships with you and your family. Foster carers know them well, listen to them, spend time with them, protect them and promote their welfare. Children must be supported to develop an appropriate sense of permanence and belonging and be fully included in your family life. By doing this young people living with you will develop their self-esteem, increase their ability to form and sustain attachments, build emotional resilience and form an understanding of their own identity.

This care and help also helps them to understand any previous experiences of neglect and trauma and develop positive ways of responding to its impact.

Your supervising social worker will ensure you are well prepared and supported to manage the behaviour of children and young people placed with you and situations arising from and leading to this behaviour. During supervision sessions foster carers are advised to bring to the session their own thoughts and feelings in order to maximise use and take full advantage of the support available.

You are expected to understand, manage and deal with children's behaviour including encouraging them to learn skills in taking responsibility for their behaviour and helping them to learn how to resolve conflict. You should support children where they encounter discrimination or bullying wherever this occurs, such as discussing the issue, counteracting the negativity and how to manage it, whether to involve others and when.

Children should be supported to develop and practice skills to build and maintain positive relationships, be assertive and to resolve conflicts restoratively.

Mandatory training on managing behaviour and de-escalation is expected of all foster carers, and details can be found on Olive.

You will have clear, consistent and fair boundaries, to enable children to feel safe, encouraged and appropriately rewarded, to help ensure that they will thrive and do well and to contribute to a feeling of well-being and security for children.

The PACE model can help you work successfully with a child.

PACE stands for:

Sometimes 'L' for Love is included, making PLACE.

You should have house rules, setting out your expectations for how things are managed within the home. These should be explained to children, with the reasons for the rules. Children should also know that there are rules for everyone. They should not feel that they are being treated with less regard than other members of the household. Ideally children should know these expectations before they are placed.

These house rules should be recorded on the placement plan and in the safe caring document.

You will receive training in positive care and support of children, including training in de-escalating problems and disputes.

Restorative approaches improve relationships, increase children's sense of personal responsibility and reduce the need for formal intervention.

Your supervising social worker will support you on how to manage your responses and feelings arising from caring for children, particularly where children display very challenging behaviour. They will help you reflect on how children's previous experiences can manifest in challenging behaviour.

It is important to consider that a child may have disabilities, trauma or lived experiences that affect their behaviour, social skills, communication and understanding so require extra help with regulating their behaviour.

You are not permitted to conduct body searches, pat down searches, or searches of clothing worn by children.  

Should you suspect that a child is carrying or has concealed an item which may place the child or another person at risk, you should try to obtain the item by co-operation/negotiation.  Unless there are exceptional circumstances, the child's social worker and their manager must be consulted, and agreement reached about the actions that may be taken.

If you believe an item has been concealed in their bedroom you should seek the child’s permission to search their room, ensuring the child understands what you are concerned about and what you are looking for.  Any search of a child’s room must be carried out sensitively with due consideration for the child to feel safe and have their dignity and privacy respected. Reasonable precautions must be taken to protect against possible sharp or dangerous objects that may be concealed, and the child should be present during the search. If the child is not consenting, or you feel a search may unduly escalate a situation you should not carry out the search and should seek further advice from the child’s social worker or team manager, or the fostering service.

If you suspect that the child is concealing an item about their person, or they don’t consent to a bedroom search and you believe the item may place themselves or another person at risk, such as weapons, illegal drugs, you must seek urgent advice including if necessary the police.

If any harmful items are found, you should store them securely and agree a plan with the child’s social worker. This may be:

• Holding items in safekeeping until they can be returned to the child when appropriate.  Examples may include aerosols or personal items that may be used to self-harm;
• Pass items to the child’s social worker for safekeeping;
• Disposal of items, e.g. alcohol or over the counter or prescribed drugs. Alcohol should be poured away, and drugs returned to a pharmacy;
• Passing the items to the police, e.g. weapons, illegal drugs, or substances believed to be illegal.

You should make a record of any search, or any items handed over by a child with details as listed below:

1. The time and date of the incident or search;
2. The reason or suspicions which led to the need to conduct the search;
3. Who conducted the search and whether the child or others were present;
4. How the child indicated consent;
5. What was found, and whether items found were retained/confiscated;
6. If items were retained/confiscated, where they were stored.

In the event of any serious incident (e.g. accident, violence or assault, damage to property), you should take what actions you deem to be necessary to protect children/yourself from immediate harm or injury; and then notify the fostering service or child’s social worker immediately, including using out of hours or Emergency Duty Services. The emergency services should be called as necessary.

If there is a risk of serious injury/harm or damage to property, you should not use any form of physical intervention except as a last resort to prevent yourself or others from being injured or to prevent serious damage to property. If any form of physical intervention is used, it must be the least intrusive necessary to protect the child, yourself or others. See also: Restrictive Physical Intervention and Restraint Procedure.

At no time should you act unless you are confident of managing the situation safely, without escalation or further injury.

The Fostering Service will endeavour to deal with as many as possible of the challenges that are involved in caring for children without recourse to the involvement of the police, who should only be involved in two circumstances:

• An emergency necessitating their immediate involvement to protect the child or others;
• Following discussion with the Supervising Social Worker, fostering manager, or the fostering Agency Out of Hours.

If any serious incident occurs or the police are called, the Supervising Social Worker, fostering manager or the Fostering Service Out of Hours (if out of office hours) must be notified without delay and will then notify the relevant social worker(s) and arrange for a full report to be made of the incident and actions taken. The Regulatory Authority must also be notified.