Developing a Safer Caring Plan

Children should usually call you by your first name and be discouraged from calling you 'mummy' or 'daddy'.

Physical Contact

You must provide a level of care, including physical contact, which demonstrates warmth, respect and a positive regard for children.

Physical contact should be given in a manner, which is safe, protective, cannot be construed as sexual, and which is physically and emotionally comfortable for the child. Anything that arouses unwanted emotions, sexual feelings or leads the child to become dysregulated should be avoided. This includes play-fighting and tickling. Physical contact and showing affection should be discussed with you as part of placement planning and following any review of risk assessments according to the individual needs of the child.

The following include areas which could involve physical contact and which you should include in your Safer Caring Plan:

Showing Affection and Emotions

One of the prime tasks for foster carers is to maximise opportunities for the child to form and benefit from positive relationships with adults and other children

Showing affection is a very important part of your caring role and should never be avoided because of the fear of allegations.

Warmth and understanding are essential, and everyone needs to know and understand when a relationship is inappropriate for a child.

Children who have suffered many unexpected losses in adult relationships are likely to be constantly fearful of being abandoned again.

Children should always be asked first if they would like physical affection such as a kiss, hug or a cuddle. They need to be taught by a caring adult to say ‘no’ if they do not want to be touched and what touch is appropriate touch. The NSPCC has some helpful resources - see the NSPCC website.

Families will all have different ways of showing affection and you need to understand what a child has experienced before and not to impose your way on others if it makes them uncomfortable. If touch has meant something other than affection to a child in the past, they might not understand when you try to show them affection.

You should also think about how people in your household express negative emotions such as frustration, anger or upset, and how this may affect a fostered child living with you. Children benefit from learning how to recognise and manage negative feelings but this can take time and patience and they may respond in an unexpected way to their own, or others, negative emotions.

Listen out when children are playing and regularly check where they are and what they are doing. This is especially important when they go quiet. Encourage children where possible to play in public parts of the home and ensure your safe caring policy has details about any house rules about having doors open/shut, going into others’ bedrooms, etc.

You should consider how and when the child can invite others to play at your house, and similarly when it is appropriate for them to play at friends’ houses or outdoors in the community. This should be discussed and agreed with the child and their social worker in the context of any delegated authority, the age, and known needs of the child or risks.

• Check out a child’s understanding of what bullying is and help them understand the many forms it takes;
• Put in place clear household rules that say bullying is not acceptable and what will happen if the foster carers suspect bullying or are told of bullying happening; this should usually be agreed with your supervising social worker and if necessary the child’s social worker;
• Help children understand and learn what is acceptable behaviour;
• Provide opportunities, if appropriate, for children to think about the issue of bullying e.g. writing stories or poems or drawing pictures about bullying. Enable discussions about bullying and why talking about it matters. Ensure feedback is given to the child’s social worker about anything significant that comes up;
• Be good role models as foster carers.

If possible, children should be supported and encouraged to undertake bathing, showers and other personal care of themselves without relying on carers. If children are too young or are unable to bathe, use the toilet or undertake other hygiene routines, arrangements should be made for carers to assist them.

Unless otherwise agreed, if at all possible personal care such as toileting, washing, bathing and showering should be given by adults who do not identify as a different gender. Older children who need additional help should be encouraged to identify who they would prefer to help them, taking account of any relevant history of trauma or abuse. Assumptions should not be made about a carer of a particular gender being more or less safe.

The Bathroom/Toilet

Arrangements for personal care of any child who is not able to carry out tasks for themselves should be set out in the Placement Plan for each child.

Children who are old enough should be encouraged to wash themselves and should have privacy in the bathroom. It may be possible to sit outside the bathroom so a child remains safe yet is able to bathe in privacy. It should be agreed with everyone in the household what the rules are about locking doors (or not, where appropriate) and ensuring privacy.

Menstruation

Wherever possible, children should be supported and encouraged to keep, monitor, and discuss their own supply of sanitary protection without having to request it from carers, ideally, a household supply should be made available for all, or an allowance made available to them if they wish to purchase their own. There should also be adequate provision for the private disposal of used sanitary protection and children helped to understand appropriate disposal, including why in some instances items should not be flushed away).

Enuresis and Encopresis

If it is known or suspected that a child is likely to experience enuresis, encopresis or may smear faeces it should be discussed openly, but with great sensitivity, with the child if possible, and strategies adopted for responding to and managing it; these strategies should be outlined in the child's Placement Plan. Please be mindful if the review of the plan is held in the presence of different professionals it might not be appropriate for them all to be present, and the child may feel embarrassed or highly sensitive to discussions about this matter.

It may be helpful to consult a Continence Nurse or other specialist, who may advise on the most appropriate strategy to adopt and resources available. In the first instance:

• Talk to the child in private, openly but sympathetically;
• Do not treat it as the fault of the child, or apply any form of sanction;
• Do not require the child to clear up unless agreed as part of the treatment strategy;
• Consider any sensory issues for the child that may heighten smearing, such as the feel of toilet paper, or the seeking of the sensation of touch, feel and smell;
• Keep a record of when issues happen, and don’t happen to see if there are patterns emerging;
• Consider making arrangements for the child to have their evening meal or snack at a time to allow an appropriate digestion period before bedtime. , and ensure the child use the toilet before bedtime;
• Look at helpful resources such as ERIC charity information;
• Be aware of foods and drinks that can irritate the bladder;
• Consider using a good-quality mattress protector that can withstand soiling and frequent laundering. You may be able to request a Specific Allowance for a child to recognise increase costs;
• Remember to take appropriate changes of clothes (and bedding if necessary) and that education provision or other caregivers are aware of the child’s needs and the plan for responding, including the identification of a named member of staff to support.

You should ensure if you are away from home with the looked after children in your care that you have thought about how you can all stay safe in a new environment and update your safe caring plan as necessary.

If you go out without the children in your care, think about the responsibilities you have towards the children you are looking after and also those you ask to babysit or look after children. You will be best placed to think about what needs to happen to avoid putting everyone at risk.

You should be aware of any delegated authority you have to arrange care for the child(ren), but you should discuss with your Supervising Social Worker the suitability of caregivers left with children in your home. 

The law about safe car travel can be found on the GOV.UK website.

Think about who travels alone in a car with a foster child. It can be a good way of the child having one-to-one contact because it can be easier to talk without any eye contact. However, a child who has, or may have been, abused might feel unsafe alone in a car with an adult.

Account should be taken of the child’s needs, age and how well you know the child when planning for where the child should sit in the car, and whether a second carer should be present or not. If one carer is travelling with a child, the child should normally sit in the back seats of the car, and child locks activated on doors and windows. The reason and length of the journey may also need to be considered.

It should be clear in the Placement Plan who can sign to agree for the child's photo or video footage being taken in settings such as school. Consideration should be given to any risk to the child of being able to identify the school from photographs. 

If photos, videos or the internet have been part of any abuse for the child/young person, you should check the best way forward with the child's social worker. See: Internet, Photographs and Mobile Phones.

It is always helpful when you do take photos or videos, to ask the child's permission first and make sure that they get copies and that they know who else will see them and why.

Be sensitive to how children react to having their photo taken. Do not take photos of children having a bath or undressed.

When the child uses the internet, take an interest in what they do and agree, when, where and how they will use it. Look into some software that filters inappropriate material for children.

Also see: Internet, Photographs and Mobile Phones.

Children with a disability may be particularly vulnerable to abuse and safer care policies should take particular account of their needs.

There may be more of a need for intimate personal care and the child may not be able to communicate verbally about their preferences or if they are feeling unsafe. Where a child/young person has a disability or complex health needs, you should speak to the child’s social worker for advice.

Foster carers will need to make sure that a child/young person with communication difficulties is able to express their wishes about personal care, and this should also be recorded.

It is important for people to dress in a way that does not make others feel uncomfortable or that compromises dignity or could be construed as inappropriate when in the house. Make sure that everyone knows the house rules on being appropriately dressed and getting dressed/undressed in private.

Some parents like to let young children get into their bed to talk, and listen to stories or to be comforted when they are not well. It is one of the dilemmas you face when as a family you are trying to give your own children a normal upbringing whilst wanting to provide a safe environment for the children you foster.

Sharing your bed can trigger the memory of abuse and give the wrong messages about what might happen and what is acceptable. It will be safer to provide all children with a time of affection outside your bedroom, telling stories and maybe having a hot drink together. If space allows, consider having a chair in the bedroom for story time. All household members should be actively encouraged to knock on doors before entering bedrooms and bathrooms.

Your plan should be clear about bedroom rules.

Children over the age of 3 should have their own room but there are exceptional circumstances when children can share - an assessment of this will happen. When this happens, they should have their own space in the room and somewhere to store personal possessions.

Children should not share beds. Unless you consider there is an emergency or safeguarding concern you should knock on their bedroom door before going in.

Some children who have been abused might need their own space so that they learn that they have the right to be safe and private. The most important thing is for them to have somewhere to keep their belongings safe.

Bedtimes are an opportunity for carers to show care and warmth towards the child, striking the balance between rules and safe caring need to be found for each individual child. The rules are similar to bath time. Consideration should be given to whether the child’s previous experiences and preferences mean it might be better for either a carer identifying as a particular gender to carry out this task, or for both joint carers to do it. Carers should leave the door open when putting children to bed.

Positive Relationships and sex education is important for all of us as we grow up. This should also be appropriate to the child’s age and level of understanding. Children need to be helped to think about what makes a good friend and what makes a bad friend. They need to learn how to recognise situations that might put them at risk of abuse and what to do to protect themselves and others, including who they tell. Carers should continually help and teach children of all ages about staying safe.

Children need to learn how to say 'no'. Carers need to know how to explain the difference between what is and is not acceptable behaviour from themselves and others and how to help children recognise and change behaviour that is not right for their age. You may need to say that you are talking to them about relationships and sex to help them deal with situations, feel safer, and as part of growing up.

Families will have different approaches to talking about relationships, sex, and sexuality and what they are told. You will need to find out from the child's social worker what the family’s approach was and the best way of dealing with this, particularly if the child/young person has a different cultural or religious background from your own. You may also want to check out with school/educational setting what they are doing on the subject so you can support that work.

Providing a safer environment means that other children in the foster home must understand that any sexual relationship or activity with a foster child is as unacceptable as with a biological brother or sister. See Relationships and Sex.

The most important thing is that the child feels they can come and ask you questions and talk to you about the subject if they are not sure. Foster carers should never share personal details about themselves or their own experience with the child.

Discuss as a family what routes you will take if a fire starts and practice an evacuation. Think about where keys are kept so everybody knows where they will be for the front and back doors and windows. You should have a written fire plan that everyone understands.